are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
