Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You took a bar mat shot.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
