im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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