Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
