i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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