I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
