wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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