I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
