your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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