I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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