whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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