I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
