He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
