My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
