Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
