Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
