WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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