im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
