is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So much rum. So many feels.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
