Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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