Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
