6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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