apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake