Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.