i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
