he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My vagina is officially offended.