i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
why is half of my head shaved?
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