True but thats because hes a fetus.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
