I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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