I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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