just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
