That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
