Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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