I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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