I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
