Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
