After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
