my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
