I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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