You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just invented taco cereal.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
