Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
