i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
