He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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