i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
