Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
