we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
