i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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