I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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