Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
