One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
