I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
