to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
