i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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