I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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