The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
handjob tips. give me some.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
