you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
