He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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