I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
