Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
