And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
