when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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