They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
