i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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