My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
