I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
