and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
