it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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