You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
