Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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