i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we're making bets on your personal life
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
