Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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