if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
